Saturday, January 31, 2015

You know that feeling...

You know that feeling you get when you've just had a conversation with someone on Facebook in private message that you haven't talked to for a while, or really ever, so you don't know them all that well, and they it's all a bit awkward but you get through it, and then ten minutes later you see a post on Facebook that says they're out of toilet paper, and you realize that they messaged you, and you had your first "real" conversation with you, while they were on the loo doing a number two? #thatreallyhappened #luckyme

Monday, January 26, 2015

First World Grumble

It started with the grateful and wealth thing, at least here on the blog, and it kind of spiralled from there. In my mind though it was a much bigger deal. The whole business of collectively remodeling our minds and psyches in accordance with some sort nouveau socially acceptable trend that dictates we have to constantly be grateful for our "wealth" vexes me. It was irking me but it escalated the more I thought about it. It's feels awfully like being told to conform and that's like being told to wear a straightjacket when you'd much rather skinny dip.

I'm championing the right to be angry at and discontent with the world this year.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Sometimes my emotions betray me

I look at the last thing I posted on this blog, a sentence of the day, and it says 'Do not engage". It's a reminder to myself not to allow the part of me that is depression to take up any more time than I need to tell it to quit it.

Do not engage with it. I have to remind myself not to give it the time of day, and I have to remind myself that it's the one playing games, that it's not me. It's out to harm and it brings me nothing of value, at least not in the present moment. Its the one leaving dog turds in flaming bags on my front porch as it knocks on the door and runs away laughing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Monday, January 12, 2015

Sentence of the day

Everything you say and everything you think are the foundations of your future.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

They're here now and we have to deal with it

The whole Charlie Hebdo is blowing up the internet, at least in my corner of the internet, but I have to admit that I haven't read a single article about it. I feel like I already know the story and the meaningless loss of life fills me with grief. I can't stand the inevitable xenophobia that follows so I'm leaving it alone.

I don't just grieve the people lost, there's much more at stake here. In a region of the world where xenophobia constantly bubbles under the surface but where they welcome a huge amount of refugees the stakes are high. Europe is a complicated beast with its many borders and history of warring amongst themselves. The last big war was a mix of things past - warring amongst themselves and forging alliances amongst themselves - and racism that resulted in genocide.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

That and world peace

It used to be that when I needed to talk to someone about something I was going through and struggled with, I'd pick someone who had gone through something similar. It was the best, or only, way to get sympathy and understanding. It also used to be that I could do that and usually find someone who just listened and didn't feel compelled to give advice like they have a PhD in whatever ailed me.

The rise of the internet changed my habits somewhat, and for years I've vented and spilled my guts anonymously on the internet in my blogs. I don't put it out there to get advice on how to deal with my problems. I just vent.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Out of excuses - not compromising any more

I could go on and on about what people pleaser I've been all my life, I could go on and on about my codependency, I could go on and on about how I've always been a doormat but I've run out of excuses and I'm not compromising any more.

It's going to be that kind of year, an uncompromising year.

I'm not going to win popularity contents this year, that's for sure. I'm a week and half into my five and half week holiday which is a mega luxury by the way. Had I not written what I did about wealth and gratitude the other day I would perhaps be tempted to tell you that I feel grateful for such wealth. ;)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Wealth and gratitude

A journalist friend of mine who works as an editor for a small paper in Sweden wrote something in her column today that really struck a cord with me. I've had a beef with the word gratitude for a while now and it appears that I'm not the only one.

She wrote about not having sent any Christmas cards this year, as usual, and then having squeezed the kiddies together for a quick snap shot in front of the Christmas tree. The kiddies obliged with smiles. She added the obligatory Christmas filters and mass sent it out as a text. One of her friends replied "such wealth", and then went on to comment on how much the Christmas tree had improved things in my friend's living room that had remained unfurnished for the best part of six months.

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