Saturday, August 5, 2017
You can't trust me. I set out on a new and shiny path and I don't follow through. I feel a little like that about my whole life at the moment but I do realize that it's mostly related to any creative endeavours I embark on. But, here's a "funny" fact about my radical self-love project:
I well and truly followed through on it, I just stopped documenting it here, and in the new true Spilling Ink fashion I sat down and contemplated why.
And, in the process of contemplating why, I found that there are more things I like about myself nowadays than there are things I don't. This came as quite a surprise to me but it was a good surprise, kind of like getting a Christmas present you had thought of but didn't think to wish for because it seemed a little too much of a stretch.
Oh, my hair still kind of tops the list.
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
I managed six days of public self-love before I lost steam, public steam that is. I have a theory about why. Something in me has broken when it comes to the confidence I used to have about my writing and putting my thoughts out here on the interwebs. For the past one and half years I've actually judged what it is I'm doing and I've become a little perfectionistic about it.
Perfectionism leads to procrastination which leads to paralysis. This is a pretty common theme in my life and it has been for the past few years, even when I find something that I really, really want to do.
There's something broken inside of me, something that I'm currently in the process of healing, something that's making my own judgement of myself incredibly fascinating and visible to me. Coming out of a condition of chronic pain unmasked a lifetime of self-criticism that I quite frankly do not like.
I don't think I'm any worse than most people, and probably any of you, or that I'm more critical of myself than most, in fact I know I'm not. I'm just more honest about it with myself nowadays.
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